It was just another regular day at preschool. My class was sitting in a circle on the carpet like we did every morning. Being shy, my favorite thing to do in those predicaments was to play with my toes. Focusing on something else entirely allows one to create an air of nonchalance and self-importance.
It was while concentrating intently on wiggling my left pinkie toe independently from the others that I suddenly felt the urge to look up.
That’s when I saw him.
How had I never noticed this glorious man-baby before? His dazzling sexually ambiguous haircut gleamed golden in the florescent light.
I had a sudden pang of yearning deep in the pit in my stomach, one that that would not let me stop staring at every opportunity. In the sand he was ethereal. On the swings he flew with the grace of angel breath on the wind. Peeing on the carpet? Pure magic.
I HAD to have him as my snack table buddy.
Snack table was a Montessori- like attempt at teaching sharing and friendship. One could not sit at the table alone and always had to have a buddy to share snack, athough no more than one buddy at a time was allowed.
If I could only trap him there and keep him against his will for the entirety of snack time, he would surely fall as madly in love with me as I was with him.
I yearned after this dream for many days (hours) until finally, I got my chance at true love.
I was minding my own business, playing idly with an abacus during free play when God smiled upon me, as does happen when one plays with an abacus.
“Aaron’s at the snack table and needs a buddy, Inez. Why don’t you go over there and sit with him?”
The voice from the air was Janett. It was hard to tell her apart from the other teachers, Janet and Lanett. Their big, free-flowing 80’s-tastic haircuts merged into one giant bouffant-donning superwoman of a memory.
I plunked myself down across from him at the little plastic blue table.
Staring unblinkingly at him through my centimeters thick Bambi frames, I unceremoniously stuffed a piece of celery into my mouth. The chewing was loud and my mouth open, but I wasn’t about to let anything distract me. I would stare him down until he loved me.
He ran away.
The nuances of courtship still escape me.